A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just had sex on a roof
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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