yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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