if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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