just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
