I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
