i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
