I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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