mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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