Please don't use social media to get back at me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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