Christians are straight up FREAKS
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
