Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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