I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
