I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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