He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
