Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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