I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
