oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
