theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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