We should be called the Road Head Warriors
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He passed out mid-signature
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
