I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
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I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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