You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
