my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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