I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
