I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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