Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
