I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
