Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
