No stitches, just platelets and will power
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
