I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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