suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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