dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
