I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If I had your ass I would rule the world
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
