I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
