If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
