I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
