I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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