dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
