wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
