i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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