its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
