i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
