kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
