Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
