I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
