I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
