My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
