oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
