Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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