You smell like stripper and shame
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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