if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
