She's JV to your varsity
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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