break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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