If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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