Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
