Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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