Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
