I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
