I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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