so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
