you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
