I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
that's an acceptable place to lick
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
