I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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