I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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