Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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