YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
