maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
