Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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