Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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