That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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