Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
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I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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