So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
