Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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