I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
